Just a new Drawing of mine.
Also, i forgot to post my last one.
Okay, so, my English is crap, but i still want to write down some of my Thoughts.
Hm? Why my English suck? Well, because i’m german. We have English as a Subject in School, but as you may know.. in public Schools nowadays, you don’t learn anything. Pupils are not listening, Teachers are not really teaching anything. So yeah. If i wouldn’t be into Online Games, i probably could not write anything in english. Haha.
You are still reading? That could mean, my Language Skills are not THAT bad, right? As long as you can understand, everything should be fine. xD
I finished my ‘Pulse’ Drawing today. I’m happy about that. Or i should be happy. But for some Reason i feel empty. I already have Ideas for a new One. Maybe something that has to do with Tarantulas. You think it’s weird for a Girl to think about Tarantulas? Haha. Yah, maybe. But you see, i had a Tarantula once. Her Name was Akumo and she was a mexican red Rump Tarantula. I really loved watching her spinning her Webs. It was stunning. Kind of hypnotizing. But one Day i was looking inside her Home and i was thinking that she skinned, but NO. It was her and she was dead. Oh Goddess. That was so sad. That was two Years ago but i still feel sad. I loved her dearly, even though she was a little bit aggressive and always making these sounds Chhhrrrrrcchh.. xD So cute, really. Like my Cat, when i’m pissing her off ^^
I’m bored of my Life and i’m thinking about how to change it. I was thinking of moving into another Country. But i’m rather poor. So i don’t know how to start anything. Too bad. But i really want to… live. To start something great. Maybe doing something big with another Artist or something. Seeing something of this World, not just sitting here in this small crappy Apartment and doing nothing all day. Maybe i should finally get a Job. But first i have to hear, what my Doctors are thinking. They think i’m not able to work, you know. They say, i’m too weak. My mental State would be instable. Bla bla. But i live this boring empty Life for more than 7 Years now. In exacty one Month i will turn 27. And there is nothing in my Life, where i could say “I did something”. I’m not satisfied anymore. I want to do something. But i don’t even have Connections. Nor Friends. My Life is so empty. It really sucks. So i want to change things. Making some Friends, heal myself, doing some great Art, just change everything about me. Losing 60 Pounds of Weight was the beginning, but i’m still not satisfied. I’m so bored of myself. Really. But where to start? I’m wondering about this. I never tried to change anything. I was just complaining. “Nothing will change. I’m nothing. I’m not worth anything. My Life will be always like this.” Fuck that. I really think it’s time to leave everything behind. Sometimes i just want to pack a Bag and my Bike and just leaving. But as a Girl, alone… it’s dangerous if i don’t know where to go to. Not having Money, not having Strength to defend myself in a dangerous Situation. I feel stuck in here. I feel like suffocating. I want to break out. I want to breath.
Yah. I just want to start something.